I read a lot of murder mysteries and one of my favourite characters is Patricia Wentworth’s Miss Silver, a not-so-famous version of Miss Marple. Miss Silver is a huge fan and constant quoter of Alfred Tennyson who, she frequently reminds us, is very much out of fashion but still very relevant. 

I thought of Miss Silver again the other day, when I came across one of Tennyson’s best-known quotes, from his long poem In Memoriam: 

‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all’

The internet being what it is, this is sometimes rendered as:

‘It is better to have tried and failed than never to have tried’

The message is similar: if we don’t take a risk we will never know what might have been.

Sometimes we have to be brave to achieve what we want and sometimes we have to stretch ourselves as well. We may not always recognise that we have the skill and ability to take that leap and go for something that we really want. We are often drawn to what is safe, even if that is not fulfilling or it makes us unhappy. It is easier to stay in a job that we dislike than to do something about it. It is easier to be unhappy than to take a risk.  

Many of my clients come to me because they are re-evaluating where they are in their careers. Some want to feel more fulfilled and confident in their current role. But some are considering changes such as promotion or moving to a different career. This can be daunting, and it is scary to take that first step into the unknown. I understand that it is hard to move out of our comfort zone and put ourselves in the spotlight. In these situations, I like the question, ‘What is the worst that can happen?’ The initial answer might be  ‘I won’t get the job’ or ‘I’ll look foolish’, or ‘People will think less of me’. 

Once we identify what the worst outcome might be it never really feels as bad as we think. Many of my clients have that moment when they identify and name what up till then might be vague thoughts and feelings of fear. The fear paralyses them and it’s hard to see beyond it, so it grows out of proportion. Once they name it, they know what they are dealing with, they know what is stopping them taking that risk. And of course, the worst outcome is often not nearly as fearsome as they imagined. 

Naming our fears can be liberating. We can take that risk and feel confident that even if we don’t achieve what we want to achieve, we have at least given it our best shot. As Tennyson might have said, it is better to try and fail than to spend our lives wondering, ‘What if?’