One of the best interview questions that I have heard was in fact not one, but two questions. A Part 1 and a Part 2, if you like. 

The first part was standard and straightforward: “What kind of leader would you say you are?” This in my experience is a common question, and it gives the interviewee the opportunity to describe their leadership style. Words such as “inspiring”, “enabling”, “compassionate” and “kind” are usually on the list, and they won’t come as a surprise to any of you reading this blog. This particular interviewee thought for a moment and then said that she was a kind and compassionate leader.

The panel member thanked the interviewee, said how interesting their response was and then said, “So you have just told me that you are a kind and compassionate leader. What I want to know is, how do you demonstrate that? How do you live that every day?” This was much more challenging for the interviewee, and it became clear that they had never been asked it before and neither had they given much thought to it. 

That follow-up question got me thinking about all the ways that we describe ourselves as leaders. We often use the same old words, the same labels that everyone else does and I am not sure that we always think beyond them. 

I asked myself if perhaps we are all far too comfortable with this. It can all be a bit too much like the emperors’ new clothes. We say we are inspiring; therefore, we must be inspiring. Our self-description comes about because that is what we are expected to say and that is what others expect to hear. We forget to ask what the label might mean.

I tell anyone and everyone who will listen that coaching can change lives and that through coaching we can really get to know and understand who we are, deep down. We can articulate our values and our beliefs and recognise our strengths. It can help us to look beyond the label and see the “by”. What I mean is that it helps us to say, “I am a kind and compassionate leader and I demonstrate this by…”

The “by” for me is the doing, the how, the action. It is the thing behind and beyond the label and it takes us closer to our true authentic selves. If we can articulate this in a clear and simple way, we will be the role models that we want to be for those around us. They will see what it is to be compassionate, or inspirational or enabling. They will know what it is that makes you that, and what they might need to do to be the same. 

An example of this could be “enabling”. Dictionary.com says that it means “to make able, give power, means, competence, or ability”. I love the idea of giving power to someone else so that they can do what they need to do. Students or those new to the workplace often seem disempowered due to the constraints of their working environment. They don’t feel able to ask questions, to challenge or to grow. What a difference it could make if their leaders didn’t just wear that “enabling” label but lived it every day by their actions. That way everyone would see what being enabled looks like and they in turn would be in a position to enable others. 

So next time you hear yourself using a word like “enabling”to describe your leadership style, how about stopping for a moment to ask what that means. How do you demonstrate that this is who you are? You never know, you might be surprised by the results.