In the world we live and work in we are bombarded by distractions. The constant pull of the mobile phone, the demands of a busy, sometimes challenging career, the juggling of personal and social responsibilities. It can be difficult to pay attention to just one person or task. Indeed, multi-tasking is often celebrated as a superpower. But mastering the skill of attention can be good for our health, increase our influence and improve our relationships.

These are my top 5 tips:

1. Eliminate distractions

One of the core competencies of a coach is to be fully present for the client. 
Every coach will develop their own ritual to ensure that their attention is on the coachee. Mine include setting up the coaching space, putting aside any current frustrations, ensuring that the session won’t be interrupted (my dog being the main culprit) and spending a couple of minutes in mindfulness practice.

And mindfulness, a breathing practice or meditation has been shown to boost serotonin which improves feelings of wellbeing and supports our immune system.  

As a leader going from meeting to meeting you may have a practice that ensures that you show up ready to give your full attention. In my working life I always appreciated that time between meetings. Sometimes just a few minutes, sometimes longer if I needed to travel to another venue. A time to reflect and prepare. The pandemic took that away from me. I went from one meeting to the next without getting up from my chair. I can only hope that I showed up well.

1. Understand where your focus needs to be

In coaching this is easy. The focus is always the client. But I have to remain vigilant that I’m not triggered by something that is said that dilutes my attention. I also have to guard against moving into mentoring or advising. I have to stay present for the client. 

Sadly, I’ve been in many meetings where the focus is lost. People start looking at their phones, answering emails. Their focus is not on the speaker. 

Social occasions with family or friends are an excellent attention opportunity. But how often do you see groups of people looking at their phones and not each other. 

      3. Practice active listening

If we are distracted, we can’t listen effectively. But listening well can increase our influence and improve our relationships. If you’ve ever come away from a social occasion, a conversation with your manager or a meeting feeling despondent but not sure why it’s likely that you haven’t felt listened to. 

In Stephen Covey’s ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ he describes a situation where a participant on one of his seminars used a practice that he had only just learnt to close a business deal that looked as if it was dead in the water. He stopped talking, which was getting him nowhere, and instead sought to understand what was required to get the deal. It worked.  It is a wonderful example of how you can influence an outcome by first listening to understand. You are then in a great position to be understood. 

       4. Ease

In our busy lives time and space has become a valued commodity. ‘Ease is being systematically bred out of our lives’ (Kline) to save time and improve efficiency. But giving people time whether they be coachees, colleagues, relatives or friends can save time as it provides an environment to think. To be more productive. To connect. And in doing so it supports our social bonding. With that comes a rise in oxytocin levels which makes us feel happier and more secure in our relationships.

       5. Practice, Practice, Practice

As a coach I’ve been trained to pay attention. But it is a skill that needs to be practiced. I practice it with my clients and with other coaches. But I still occasionally find myself in social situations waiting for that gap to respond. Not actively listening. Not giving my full attention. I may even sneak a peek at my phone. But it is a skill worth practicing and we have plenty of opportunities to do so. And as it’s good for your career, your health and your relationships, what’s not to like?